i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
