He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
