Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You left your phone here
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