It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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