Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
