i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
