even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you will always have a special place in my vag
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
