Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
