Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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