I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
