Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
