alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
