dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
