Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
