So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
