Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
