everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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