My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
