I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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