idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
