id be glad to
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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