Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
