3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
there is glitter all over my balls
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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