I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
