I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
