Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
