and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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