i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
