I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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