My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
