I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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