I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
