Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
