she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
