if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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