im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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