did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
