I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
