Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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