If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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