We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
