But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it's like heaven, but drunker
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
