one two three fourrrrnication!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
