Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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