i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize