i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
