my soul wont recognize me after tonight
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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