how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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