i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
