Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
