Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
