Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
