dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
