all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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