I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
