he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize