pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
