We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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