I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
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