do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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