he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
