ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
