I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
