To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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