hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There's always time for handjobs
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
