walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
