and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
