Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
