she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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