Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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