my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
