I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize