If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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