you traded sex for a burrito?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
