I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
