we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
